Find your happy: How to be a happy Mum
I have a really important question for you:
Are you happy?
When was the last time you asked yourself that question?
I have noticed that I pay a lot of attention to whether other people are happy. Maybe it’s since becoming a Mum, but I think I’ve always been a bit like this. I spend a lot of time thinking 'Is T happy? Is Adam happy? Are my friends happy?'. I tend to put other people's happiness above my own. It’s only fairly recently that I realised that my happiness has an impact on the people around me. There’s a reason why Giovanna Fletcher called her podcast: Happy Mum, Happy Baby! If we are happy, it has a positive impact on our family, and the opposite can be true too.
Happiness is a spectrum. In life, you will have moments of deepest sorrow as well as moments of joy, then somewhere in between there is contentment and satisfaction. I’m not sure if you can live your whole life in one of the extremes, but a level of contentment and wellbeing comes from a balance of good and bad and being grateful for what you have.
When was the last time you thought about YOUR happiness?
Here are some questions to help you check in with yourself:
Am I happy with how my life is going?
Am I happy with the job I do?
Am I happy with where I live?
Am I happy with how often I see my friends?
Am I happy with the amount of time I spend with my kids?
Am I happy with the amount of time I spend on my hobbies?
You might want to take 5 minutes to grab a cup of tea and a journal and jot down the thoughts that come into your head as you read through these questions.
Also, I feel it’s important to acknowledge that at the time of writing this, we are still in a National lockdown in the UK. I appreciate that Covid may be having a massive impact on your happiness. I understand that currently it might feel like a matter of survival in the midst of juggling home-schooling, working from home, missing family and friends, concerns about the health of those you love - and a hundred other things.
If you’re not 100% happy at the moment - it makes sense. So as much as I’d love you to take some time out to check in with yourself, let’s stay realistic.
Maybe you’re not happy with where you’re at in life?
If you know you feel unhappy, here’s some more questions for you to ponder:
What do you want to experience?
Think about the things you want to do. Consider how you want to feel. Picture how you want to spend your time. Ask yourself what you'd like to look like. When you get to the end of your life, what things will you be glad you achieved or experienced? Consider whether you're living life to the full - what would that look like?
What kind of person do you want to be?
What would you like people to say about you when you leave the room? When people introduce you, how would you like them to describe you? Work on being that person. For example, if you want people to describe you as kind, what kind things can you do today?
What would the best version of you look like?
When you picture the best version of yourself, what do you see? What would your dream life be like? If you were the best version of yourself, who would notice? If you could design the best version of yourself, what things would you want to experience, feel and be?
Believe that it’s possible
The life you've pictured might feel unrealistic but go with it. Don't put limits on yourself. It's so easy to get distracted by thinking of all the reasons why 'that will never happen', but imagine if anything was possible, what would your best life look like? Think like a child and let your imagination run free.
This is all about figuring out what's important to you. As you realise what your priorities are, you can then start to consider what changes you might want to make, and how.
Which area of your life would you most like to change?
If you’ve realised that there’s a few areas of your life you're not happy with, instead of trying to completely turn it around immediately, make small changes which will eventually lead to a better experience.
Start thinking about it as a first step and start off small. For example, if you want to be a more generous person, think about how you could be more generous today. What could you do differently today that takes you closer to being the person you want to be? If you want to be more knowledgeable on a subject, how can you start learning today?
If you’re not happy with your current job, consider your first small step forward. Maybe it’s updating your CV, or working out your core skills, or considering what jobs would be a good fit for you.
Similarly, if you want to spend more time with your children, try and spend less time everyday on unimportant tasks or find ways to use your time more efficiently so you can spend it on what's most precious to you.
Small steps are the way to go if you want to see results. Little by little you will make the changes that you thought were once out of reach.
Consider what happiness means to you
It’s easy to have thoughts such as: I will be happy when [fill in the blank].
In the past I’ve supported clients who have told me that they will be happy when they have paid off their mortgage; when they get a promotion; when they find a job that works around their kid’s school holidays, etc.
Unfortunately, this kind of thought pattern can mean we’re always striving for something else to make us happy. This kind of thinking means that happiness is something in the future, always out of our reach.
But I’d like to challenge you that it is possible to find your happy today. It is possible to be happy on your journey towards those things you want in life. There doesn’t have to be lots of obstacles in the way of you feeling happy.
Again, just to give a little nod to Covid… There’s a good chance that you’re thinking ‘I will be happy when things go back to normal’. My very very gentle challenge to you is to consider if there’s anything you can do at the moment to brighten up your days. Could it be adding flowers to your food shop each week so there’s a flash of colour in your kitchen while you battle with zoom? Could you spend 5 minutes a day listening to an up-beat song while you prepare yourself mentally for the day ahead? Could you wear clothes that make you feel good? Small changes can make a big difference to your mood.
What does success mean to you?
Another question I often ask clients is 'What does success look like?'
It’s important to work this out for yourself, because if you’re chasing after someone else’s definition of success, you’ll never be happy. For example, if you were always taught that being successful means having lots of money and a flashy car, you might strive for those things, then be disappointed when you don’t feel any happier when you get them.
Your definition of success could mean anything. Here’s some examples: always trying your best, owning your own home, a good work-life balance, being healthy, making a difference, contributing positively to the world…
What is your definition of success?
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Would you like some help to figure out what makes you happy?
If you have realised that you’re not happy with the life you’re living, and know you want to make a change, but the idea terrifies you and you don’t know where to start - I have some free training to help you explore different career paths that fit with your passion, purpose and skills.
